L’Esquiriel

  I want to tell you here of a woman
Who was the wife of a rich burgher:
She was from Rouen, as one tells it.
4 They told me about it and I tell
that they had a beautiful daughter
who was a very refind lady
Just as Nature had made her.
8 And Nature had designed her so well
For she had put all her care into it.
She was a very beautiful creature.
Her father and mother loved her
12 As much as they were able.
More than their other children.
The young girl was 14.
Her mother instructed her
16 And said, “Daughter, don’t be
too silly or too flighty
Not speak too eagerly
because it can turn out badly
20 For a woman when one hears her speak
Other than she should.
For this should abstain
A woman from speaking silly
24 Because misadventures happen often.
For all things be careful
That you don’t name that thing
That men carry hanging.”
27.1 The daughter responded, who had
listen such that it annoyed her,
When she could no longer keep quiet
“Mother,” she says, “tell me
How it is called and what.”
“Be quiet, daughter, I dare not say.”
“Is it the thing that my father has
hanging between his legs, lady?”
“Be quiet, daughter, never any woman,
If she is not too old,
Should name this hanging morsel
Which between the legs hangs dangling
of men.” — “And what marvel
Now is to name this dangler?
Is it now that with which one fishes?”
“Quiet, daughter, you are crazy!
Don’t say this word.
The dangler does not have a name.
We women must never
name in any way
neither before nor behind
29 This diabolic (obscene) cock.”
“What is it, mother? Is this ladle
or weight that can plunge
32 and swim in our pond/hatchery
And by the fountain our father?”
“No daughter!” says the mother
“Dear mother, tell me.
36 It grieves me greatly that I don’t see
By faith that which you owe me.
May it that it is forbidden!”
“Dear daughter, it is the prick:
40 Do not seek to name it!”
And when she had heard it,
She smiled with job and explaimed:
“Prick,” she said “God thanks prick.
44 Prick, I will say, and whomever it might annow.
Prick naughty. Prick says father.
Prick says my sisters, prick says my brother.
And Prick says our chambermaid.
48 Prick before and prick behind,
Prick says everybody of their will.
Even you yourself, mother, truly
Say prick. And I, crazy girl,
52 What do I transgress in saying prick?
Prick for sure I will say:
I myself give myself permission
May God give me prick that I might not lack!”
56 When the mother heard her work
Was in vain and that a mable
was worth to her daughter,
She left her crying.
60 Here came running
A valet, Robin was his name.
Big and fat he was and round
Because he was the nephew of a prior
64 And lived on breadcrumbs many a day.
From a secret place where he was
And heard what had said
The gentlewoman to the young virgin
68 And all that the girl
Had replied in contradiction:
He had great joy about it and was happy.
The scoundrel was big and fat
72 He held his prick under his clothes
Up and down he handled it
And it was fat, fully craned
“God save you,” he said, “dear friend.
76 “Robin, and God bless you!
Tell me, if God help you,
What you hold and what it is called.”
“Friend, it’s a squirrel.”
80 “Robin, she says, at any time I would want
to have it and to play with it,
Among my chambers play
And be there high up
84 And feed it to its desire.”
Robin says to her, “There your hand,
Hold it in the palm
All gently that you don’t hurt it,
88 And if you want, you can handle it.”
The virgin holds out her hand;
And he takes it immediately
and he put the prick in her fist
92 It had need of such a doctor!
“Robin,” she says, “it is very hot.”
“Truly, lady, may God save me,
If it was not healthy last night.”
96 “For God’s members, do you tell the truth
Robin?” she says, “it is lively!
Alas and alack,” says she, “miserable,
It is trembling and moving.
100 She had felt the balls.
“Robin,” she says,” what is that?”
“Lady,” he says, “it is his nest.”
“Truly,” she says, “I feel an egg there,
104 Or two, I believe… or more than nine
Are there!” “No.” “Why not?”
“Dear friend, he hasn’t laid any
for a month in the year than two together.”
108 “Robin,” she says, “it seems
That is it of good origin.
Does he have anything therapeutic to offer?”
“Yes true, to heal wounds
112 And he knows well to heal women,
And thus cures you of slow pissing.”
“So much,” she says, “I care for it the more,
Robin! What does it eat?”
116 “In the name of God, lady, nuts,” he says.
“Nuts?” she says,” unfortunate!
I was no misguided last night
that I ate a fistful of them.
120 I would have liked them for this.
If you would have dined this morning.”
“Do not fear,” says Robin,
He can find them well
124 Don’t doubt it at all!”
“and where?” – “By faith, in your stomach!”
“I don’t know where he will enter there.”
“Do not fear, trust me.
128 He is well equipped.”
“How? He will never enter.”
“By your cunt.” “Put it there then!
So help me God, I am very happy about it!”
132 He hugged her so much
That he threw her over
And he raises the blue dress,
her shirt and her pelt.
136 His squirrel he put in her cunt
The valet was not uncouth:
He began to move his flanks
And to strike and knock
140 In such a way that he doesn’t appear to fake it.
And she, whom it much pleased,
Thus she said, “May God be there
Sir Squirrel, now concerning the pushing.
144 Good nuts may you find!
Now, sweet beast, on with seeking!
May you eat good nuts
Enter well, look deeper
148 From here to where the nuts are!
If God heals my head,
There is in you such a soft beast.
I have never seen such a squirrel
152 Nor heard such good spoken of one
Because it doesn’t bite people at all
Or injure me in anything.
Seek on, my dear friend.
156 Certainly, I want to very much!”
While she was saying this,
the girl and that he was seeking
the nuts, he who was not faking it
160 So he hit, so he struck
I don’t know by what chance
But I know that Nature did this.
The squirrel started feeling sick.
164 He started crying from his eye
And to vomit and spit
And afterwards to soften.
“Stop,” she says, “don’t push

 

 

168 I feel something dripping.
Don’t Robin, don’t strike.
You struck with such force
And more hitting and striking
172 That you broke one of your eggs.
This pains me. It’s sad.
What you have done by going beyond.
Robin got up.
176 There was nothing left to do.
She waited for the squirrel
To come again to her cunt.
“Come here,” she says, “dear friend.
180 “Look for the nuts in this enclosure.
You won’t have any trouble
Seeking up or down.”
“He doesn’t want anymore,” says Robin.
184 And that is the end of the story.

 

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